Does anyone else feel deeply affected by music, movies, beauty and pain?
I don't know if it's just me.
Do other people feel as deeply as me?
Sometimes I feel as though I might be going completely crazy. My mood can change instantly and I don't always understand it. I can go from elevation to despair all within one song.
Just one song can make me think and feel so much that it can become overwhelming.
Does this make me an empath? If you don't know, an empath is someone who feels all too much, who can intuitively sense the emotions of other people and it can become all too encapsulating for them.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm too sensitive. And if I am, is that necessarily a bad thing?
Is it not but a good thing to still have a soft heart in this hardened world?
When I watch movies and tv series or read a book, I find myself becoming far too attached to the characters. I feel the pain that the characters feel. And then the same thing happens to me in real life - when I hear stories of what people have gone through, it hurts too much to listen sometimes.
Often I can't listen to the news, simply because it's too depressing and if I hear something tragic, I'll find myself thinking about it all day. If there's been a bombing, car accident, shoot out, whatever you name it, I'll be thinking about the parent who lost their 17 year old child. I think that the child - Emily, might have grown up to be a famous violinist. A violinist who's music could have changed the world. Music that could've inspired people because of how beautiful and tragic and glorious it is all at the same time.
But that child died.
I think about the mother and father, who were first told they couldn't have children. They were finally able by miracle to have a child through extremely expensive IVF treatment. The mother suffered severe post traumatic stress from two miscarriages.
The marriage between the mother and father nearly fell apart. But then, they had a child - Emily. They were happy.
And now the child is gone.
And the parents could never think of going through the painful process of trying for another child again.
The marriage falls apart.
They both dream of all the memories that are ceased to be made with Emily.
No more walks along the beach with Emily and her dog.
No more shopping with Emily
No more watching her practice the violin.
No more fights.
And no more make ups.
She's gone.
The mother falls into a deep depression.
The father loses himself in his work and alcohol.
This is how far my mind goes every time I watch the news or see someone homeless, and sometimes I can't handle my own thoughts and emotions. It's simply too sad and sometimes I wish I didn't think this deeply.
I sometimes wish I were living in a completely joyous oblivion.
But then again, would I really appreciate life as much if I were to live in oblivion?
See, with all this pain and suffering around me, I want to make it better. I want to fix it.
And it drives me crazy that I can't fix it right now.
My heart aches every time I drive past someone homeless. I think about what their last life was. I think about how they ended up where they are. I wonder if their life was wonderful and colorful before or if it was treacherous since the day they were born.
Either scenario is awful.
But I know that one day I will be able to help people. And that's what keeps me going everyday.
I need to know that I have a purpose in this life of mine. I need to know that I can do something useful and something that can save people.
And that's why I want to become a doctor.
I want to be able to turn people's despair into hope. Their pain into grace. Their grief to joy.
And I know that everyday when I'm a doctor I'll have the chance to do that. To give my patients hope.
I also know that I'll be earning a good salary, and I plan to give back with all that money.
I want to walk into a township, trailer park, home shelter, and literally give out money and food and..well..happiness.
I want to bring more happiness to this world.
And I'll be damned if I don't.
There are too many good people in this world who's hearts have been hardened or who simply do nothing by choosing to ignore the bad in the world.
And I think the ones who do nothing are the most dangerous.
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke
We need more people doing active things to make this world a better place.
A type of world in which I would actually be proud to live in.
A type of world I could be happy to live in.
To take away a person's pain, whether physical or emotional, I think is a gift.
And if that's a gift I've been given, I plan to use it to the best of my abilities.
I want to leave this world a better place than when I arrived.
Sorry for the rambly post...so now you know one of the reasons why I want to become a doctor.
Stay tuned to hear the next reason :)